I Got Hit With What?
by Come Lady Death
Summary: Sheppard sustains a concussion. Rodney and Aiden attempt to explain. Tall tales ensue.


"Major?"

No answer.

"Sheeeeepard?"

Still no reply.

"John!" Rodney snapped his fingers in front of his friend's glassy eyes a few times, then moved one finger slowly back and forth across the other man's field of vision. Sheppard's eyes stared for another second before lazily tracking Rodney's finger while crossing and uncrossing.

Ford giggled. "Man, he is _gone_! What happened?"

Rodney shrugged. "We were sparring. I... well, I got lucky, I guess."

"You guess?" Ford examined Sheppard's head. "He's got a goose egg back here the size of..." He trailed off and held up his fist. "No way you could've been that lucky."

"M'kay?" Sheppard slurred drowsily. "Wha' happened?"

Ford ignored the question and hoisted his CO to his feet carefully. "Come on, sir, we'd better get you to the infirmary."

Rodney hopped up and slung Sheppard's other arm over his shoulder. "Yeah, right, Carson should get a look at that bump."

"Sparring. We were sparring," John murmured sleepily as they half-dragged, half-carried him out of the practice room.

"Right," said Ford. He glanced across at Rodney. "We need to keep him alert and talking, he probably has a concussion."

They kept up a steady stream of babble all the way to Doctor Beckett. Carson took one look and confirmed Aiden's amateur diagnosis of a concussion. However, there wasn't much he could do for him aside from painkillers.

"He needs to be watched overnight, in case something gets worse," he told them after accompanying them back to John's quarters and getting the major settled. He leveled a glare at the guilty pair. "And since you two got him this way, you can just as well stay and keep him company."

McKay started grumpily, "I can't be here that long, Carson, I've got a million things that need doing and Zelenka's probably already sunk half the city and if I don't get back to the lab, I-" But Beckett had turned away and retreated back to his office without comment.

"Cossack," Rodney snarled half-heartedly at his back. He looked down at John Sheppard's pale face and sighed wearily. The major's hazel eyes flickered and started to drift closed. Rodney nudged him in the side. "Come on, Sheppard, wake up. If I have to sit here for hours with you, the least you could do is talk to me."

John cracked one eye open and fixed McKay with a look. "What happened?" he muttered.

Aiden and Rodney exchanged a look. "How much do you remember?" Ford asked to clarify.

"Head's all fuzzy. Can't..." Sheppard's brow furrowed as he tried to concentrate. "Me and McKay, sparring, and Ford, you came to get us for lunch?" The young lieutenant nodded and John sighed. "Then..." He shook his head and winced. "Ow."

"Uh-huh, ow," agreed Aiden. "Well, you guys were sparring, then-"

Rodney cut in. "Ford, I'll tell him." He shifted to face Sheppard and his face took on a serious cast. "There we were, brains against brawn, going at it tooth and nail." John rolled his eyes at Rodney's drama, but McKay rolled on. "The lieutenant there entered just in time to observe the ending of our epic battle for dominance."

Sheppard groaned and his eyes closed. Rodney snapped his fingers under his nose. "Hey, stay awake, I'm keeping you in thrall with my gripping account of your injury."

"Oh, right, forgot," John said painfully. "Go ahead."

Rodney jumped back into his embellished narrative with abandon. "Right, where was I? Oh yes, we were sparring."

"Battling for dominance," Ford corrected helpfully. Rodney glared at him.

"Yes yes. Who's telling the story here?" Aiden raised his hands in apologetic surrender and McKay resumed.

"Anyway, the fight was drawing to an end. Even though you, Major, had the upper hand when it came to strength, my clever evasions had tired you out. I was just about to throw you to the mat and claim the win, when suddenly-"

Sheppard's bark of laughter broke into the narrative and McKay threw up his hands. "What now?"

John grimaced at the shock of pain his mirth had caused. "You, throwing me to the mat? Don't make me laugh, McKay." Rodney opened his mouth and John held up a hand. "No, I mean it. Don't make me laugh. That really hurt."

Ford intervened before McKay could turn on the downed Sheppard. "Can we finish the story, please?"

"Yes, please," huffed Rodney. Sheppard waved a hand in aquiescence and McKay went on.

"When suddenly, the whole room started go haywire!" The Canadian doctor started gesturing wildly. "Lights going on and off, doors opening and closing, stuff flying off the walls!"

"Like the _Amityville Horror_?" asked Sheppard in puzzlement.

"If I'd ever seen it, I'd be able to tell you. As it stands, I can just say that it was very creepy." Rodney nodded emphatically and Aiden decided to get involved.

"But you see, sir, none of that stuff was actually happening." McKay shot him a look for ruining his story, but Ford held up a finger for him to wait. Sheppard's head turned languidly to stare at the lieutenant and Ford continued. "No, see, it was the aliens messing with our minds."

"Aliens? Wraith?" Sheppard started to sit up and they both pushed him back down firmly.

"No, not Wraith, Major Idiot," McKay reprimanded. "You'd know if there were or had been Wraith in the city."

"Yeah," agreed Ford. "It was Blue." Sheppard and McKay both stared at him and the young man shrugged. "You know, Blue's Clues?"

Sheppard smiled in disbelief. "Right. We were attacked by Blue and Magenta and... What's the cat's name?"

"Periwinkle," supplied McKay absently. Sheppard and Ford both stared at him and Rodney shrugged uncomfortably. "What, I can't watch TV occasionally?"

Sheppard giggled, then winced at the pain in his head. "Ow. McKay," he whined. Ford shelled out two aspirin and handed them to him. John swallowed the tablets and settled back expectantly. "Now. Story?"

"Fine," Rodney said. "Yes, if you must know, the alien team that attacked bore a surprising resemblance to Blue and Magenta. Elizabeth initiated a lockdown to trap them, but unfortunately that locked them in the gym with us."

"That was scary," Ford said, taking up the baton. "All we've got are sweatpants and bantos rods and these two neon colored dog-looking things are pointing big guns at us.

"When the doors slammed shut, they panicked and got off a shot before we could do anything. The ammo in those things were..." He trailed off and held up his fist. "Big pellets. It bounced off the wall and rebounded into your head and you went out like a light."

John touched his head gingerly. "Yeah, it does feel kinda like I got shot..."

Rodney's face lit up with pleasure. "Really?" John glared at him and he amended, "I mean, that's terrible, John, I'm so sorry we couldn't stop them from popping you in the head.

"I managed to get them to calm down though," Rodney said proudly. "We had a little talk. Apparently Atlantis is sacred to their people and every time a new chieftain is elected, he and his bride have to make a pilgrimage to the city."

"When they found us in their sacred city, they got real mad," Ford jumped in. "They were prepared to launch a full assault on us."

"Which wouldn't have been that big of a problem," McKay said with a slight sneer. "I mean, pellet guns, really? But since we'd rather live in peace with the natives, I was able to talk them down and get them to leave peacefully."

"With my help," Ford cut in.

"Yes yes, you had some incidental involvement, I'm sure," McKay dismissed him.

John laid his head back and shut his eyes briefly. "And that's why I'm laying in my quarters with a bump the size of a bowling ball on my head?"

"That would be why, yes," Rodney said patiently.

"Okay, thanks," John said. "Hey, Carson said I could eat, right?"

Aiden shrugged. "He didn't say not to, so sure."

Hazel eyes looked up at McKay sweetly. "Rodney, could you run get us some coffee and donuts? I don't know about you, but nearly getting killed by dogs on a pilgrimage makes me hungry."

"Right," said Rodney, standing up. "I'm feeling a little peckish myself, actually. I was just about to suggest the same thing. I'll be right back." The scientist trotted out of the room, eager to find food.

The instant the door swished closed, John Sheppard skewered Ford with a stern look. "Lieutenant Aiden Ford, I am ordering you to tell me what happened in that practice room."

Ford broke immediately. "McKay was sparring with you and whacked you in the head," he said in a rush. "Sorry, sir, he got lucky."

"Too lucky for my taste," muttered Sheppard. "I think I liked the dog story better. At least in that one McKay didn't get to one-up me."

Aiden grinned conspiratorially. "I think he's scared you'll get some kind of devious revenge if you find out."

"Oh, I'll get revenge, don't worry," Sheppard assured him. "Just as soon as I can walk without the room turning upside down. Then we'll see who gets attacked by neon dogs."


End file.
